Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Go to Hell, Anonymous Commenter

I never read the comments on any web site, my own included. Still, I couldn't help but notice that there are - at the moment - 24 comments on Jexas' heartfelt, wonderfully-written response to the Osuna trade. I was proud of her for writing it, even though I thought it might bring out a response which I would, invariably, try to avoid. But as I scrolled to gauge the general tenor of the comments one caught my eye. I have a screen-shot, just in case it gets deleted (not by me, nor by anyone else with administrative access to Astros County dot com), the comment is verbatim and is indicated with italics. (Note: I've only done this sort of exercise once before, in 2010).

Please note: I'm going to use Adult Words because the commenter is out of line and egregious. My wife - referenced later in the post - edited for vitriol. But I got the computer back...

This article is out of place and a short-sided emotional snap response. 

First of all, bitch, you're out of place. I can already tell where this is going, it's a simple place where you think you have the legitimacy to tell me what I can and can't have published on my own website. Also, it's "Short-sighted," not "short-sided," unless you somehow mean that the number of sides to this story are short. In that case, I would agree with you. The sides about which I care are Osuna's victim, Osuna, and the Houston Astros' front office.

Below is my attempt to provide the same type of feedback.

[Eyes roll completely out of my head]

- Your mom getting assaulted is anecdotal. 

Are you auditioning for a part on the popular hit drama Law & Order? This - this horrid web site - is not a courtroom. You don't get to object. To lead off your "critique" of someone's experience with domestic violence with an "Objection, your honor: hearsay!" is one of the most egregiously horrifying things I've seen #onhere. And I had Bud Norris apologists on here for a long time! You should be ashamed of yourself, because you're the actual hole of an ass. Not your own ass. Someone else's ass.

But let's take a moment to consider the feelings of someone who would actually spend what looks to be a decent amount of time in an effort to explain why SOMEONE WHO EXPERIENCED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE'S STORY is "anecdotal." That's what the Libs do, yeah? An anecdote is a "short and amusing story about a real person or incident." Were you amused by Jexas' post, you mouth-breathing chud? I experienced a very different range of emotions. To be fair: my wife saw Jexas' story before I did. My wife, with whom I celebrated my 15th anniversary last Wednesday, and who experienced first-hand as a teenager what it was like to be grabbed by the throat and thrown down the stairs and verbally abused by her previous boyfriend for 18 months. Years later, even when someone mentions her former boyfriend's name, I've seen her have a panic attack. It can be something else, too, that triggers a wave of anxiety - something in a movie that involves a similar circumstance. It's called a "trigger" for a reason, dumbass. Anything that involves a former trauma can bring something a victim has spent so long trying to process, or at least repress, to the forefront of their being. So yeah, trading for Osuna can trigger it. It's not a mental deficiency. It's not a weakness. So many fans use baseball as an escape. Well, this time, a baseball decision was the trigger. I, mercifully, have not experienced domestic violence first-hand. Clearly you haven't either, or you wouldn't have dismissed this as "anecdotal." Hillbilly.

- Your 30 years as an Astros fan were primarily under other ownership.

Is this an actual argument about fandom? Anyone who has been an Astros fan prior to the 2012 season was a fan under other ownership. What is the actual point of this? Oh, is this the "short-sided" bit, where you're responding to the post? Am I responding to the response of the post? Is this what "meta" means?

- The 100 loss seasons were the best because we saw the wave building.

Now it's starting to make sense...you think you're an OG Astros fan! As someone who has run a website chronicling the day-to-day aspects of the franchise for ten years come November, I can happily tell you that you're absolutely wrong: the 100-loss seasons were decidedly not the best. That's revisionist bullshit which, now that I think about it, is actually right up your alley.

- Your perceptions of Astros being "good guys" is off - baseball players seem like good guys because they have calm temperaments. They cheat on their wives as much as any other sport. "Honorable men" made me laugh.

What the hell is it about you chuds that can't separate "cheating" from "beating?" Now you think that all sins are equal in the eyes of God? This isn't long division, dipshit. Lots of men cheat on their spouses. Lots of men hit their spouses. Are they both worthy of scorn? SURE! I've never cheated on, nor laid an angry hand on, my wife. But one is a criminal offense, one is a moral offense.

- The "hope" they provided the city is specifically hope in winning more games or championships, nothing else. That hope just increased.

Who are you to decide what hope means? My hope, as an Astros fan, is to win all the World Series while at the same time managing to slander the Rangers and show the rest of the League how a winning team can be run. It's weird, later tonight I will finish Ben Reiter's "Astroball," in which the front office - led by Jeff Luhnow - tried so very hard to position themselves as guys who loved baseball, who turned Baseball on its head to provide my city a Winner as quickly as possible, yet also spent many pages trying to eschew the idea that they looked at transactions as simple mathematical equations and factor in humanity to a game played by humans. Trading for Osuna - an excellent reliever under team control through 2020 - was a mathematical baseball decision, and if you fault me for finding this A Bit Much, then go ahead. Piss off.

- Historically speaking, "innocent until proven guilty" is a more significant thing to protect than the perception to your kids that professionals live up to a higher ethical standard. Why don't you have a mature conversation with your family about the imperfection of people and the importance of having a system in place to appropriately deal with that? 

As a parent, I have a really hard time with this. I want my daughter to always strive for the higher ethical standard. If she does that, then she doesn't have to deal with innocence or guilt, amirite? But because your favorite team got a really good reliever under a depressed market - a market depressed by the accusation of assault - you're willing to shift the goal line? Maybe you have an ethical issue with which to deal.

- Furthermore, in today's social climate "innocent until proven guilty" is a more important cause to fight for than protecting domestic partners from abuse. The latter is trending positively and former eroding quickly. 

Wait wait wait wait wait. I'm comfortable with the State having the weight of proving your guilt over you proving your innocence to the State. I'm also very comfy with protecting domestic partners from abuse. Why is this a zero sum game? What "winner" would accommodate your likely cushy suburban lifestyle and insulate you from either option?

- Basing the confidence of your conviction off the suspension length is bunk. Commissioner penalties are all but random... BS argument - Forrest Whitley is a more sinister person than Chapman

HOW FU DUMB ARE YOU? There are levels of MLB punishment because the offenses you listed are punished under different policies. Robinson Cano tested positive for a masking agent for a performance-enhancing drug. Forrest Whitley tested positive TWICE for a stimulant. The fact that it was his second offense under the Joint Drug Prevention & Treatment Policy led to the longer suspension. Did you do any research before you decided to undertake this heroic task? God, I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

Furthermore, Robinson Cano is ineligible to participate in the postseason under the Joint Drug Prevention & Treatment Policy. Roberto Osuna is postseason-eligible because a postseason suspension was not collectively bargained in the negotiations under the Joint Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy. Is shooting horse jizz into your veins worse than beating your girlfriend/spouse? Try to keep up, simpleton. No, it's not. What Osuna did was worse, mainly because - stay with me - it was a crime. The punishments are different because different violations were committed. Robinson Cano injecting whale boners carries a different punishment than a different collectively-bargained policy.

Trying to say that Forrest Whitley is more "sinister" than Aroldis Chapman is a fallacy because the punishments come under two different systems of punishment, collectively-bargained by the MLBPA. Do you not know how slot bonuses work? Everything in baseball works within a precedent. The 1-2 pick in the draft is valued less than the 1-1 pick. A 30-game suspension for Aroldis Chapman means that what MLB investigators determined Osuna did was worse than what Chapman did. This isn't the NFL, sucknuts.

- You expressing interest for the female fans is crap. Violence against women has not been tolerated, it has been punished. 

Jexas - the author of the post - is female, for God's sake! So you, a dude (I guarantee you're a dude) are trying to tell a female that expressing interest for other female fans "is crap?" Such a dude move.

- Do you have a suggestion for a sentence that would allow you to consider him? Half a year unpaid for a snap response that left no long term physical damage we know of feels appropriate. Time served.

You chuds keep coming back to the "snap response" of domestic violence. Maybe it had happened before, maybe it hadn't. I'll stick with the side of history that gives weight to the one who was scared enough to call the police. Whatever happened with Osuna and his girlfriend that night was enough for her to call the cops, the cops to arrest him, and him to agree to a 75-game suspension without appealing the decision.

And "no long term physical damage?" that "we know of?" LOLOLOLOLOL, chud. I can understand that you, a guy (gotta be A Guy, likely with a small yet ineffectual reproductive organ) would think that there was no long-term damage (hyphenate it, idiot). And I can understand that you feel those involved need to check in with you on how *appropriate* it feels to you. Time served? What about the time his girlfriend will serve for the rest of her life, even if she decides to drop the charges and stay with him, wondering if he'll do it again? You want to put a number on that, or would you like Osuna's agent to check in with you and make sure it's acceptable? Or are you the sole arbiter in the world? Is that why you objected for hearsay earlier? Wow this is making way more sense now.

- Winning is more important in baseball than character. Ghandi never got an invite to spring training. "High character" guys put up better stats because work ethic translates over time and chemistry matters, that is the extent of it. 

First off, if "Gandhi" (spell his name correctly) wanted to hit a curve, he probably could.

Secondly: for you, this may be the case. And it makes me actually set aside my feelings of revulsion for your very existence in exchange for sadness that you actually want a place where you don't have to feel the humanity and morality of everyone involved. When the Astros play, I generally get pretty excited, but the Astros are still human beings, and humans do terrible things. And when they do a terrible thing, I'm going to comment on it via this God-forsaken medium.

This post is incongruent with the nature of the site and I hope you will consider taking it down. Baseball isn't an honorable cause but simply entertainment. Astroscounty is the same. You have had a platform for years to promote something other than cheeky entertainment and havent. Stay in your lane and dont propogate hate or hearsay.

First off, it's "propagate." And it might seem petty to point out your grammatical issues but I feel like it's important, as you seem like what a dumb person thinks a smart person sounds like. And, as the owner and operator of "the site" this post is decidedly not incongruent with the nature of "the site." The only thing getting taken down tonight is you, kumquat. When you're not willing to invoke honor because it's entertainment, you're already so far down the rabbit hole that you can't be recovered. I'm not comfortable with the idea that there are morality-free zones. If you are, then God help you.

Do not tell me to stay in my lane. "My lane" is "my website." I asked Jexas to write about the Astros long before the Osuna trade. Never once did I ask you to visit, nor will I encourage you to ever visit again. In fact, if I find out you're in "my lane" I will kindly - and with respect to your already-fragile feelings - beat the hell out of you. That's not a threat, that's a promise.

If you wanna take a stand because this issue matters to you, do something substantive. In the years since your traumatic experience I will posit that you have spent 10 hours on baseball for every 5 minutes you have spent doing anything to curb this issue (or any other one for that matter).

How do you know what Jexas has or hasn't done in regards to domestic violence? Do y'all hang out? Or are you talking to me, personally? Do you want to talk about the 24 hours straight that Pat McLellan, Tim DeBlock, and I spent broadcasting a silly feed in an effort to raise money to help the victims of Hurricane Harvey? Do you want to talk about how I left a career which was, admittedly, solely focused on myself and my ego in order to teach US History at a low-socioeconomic high school in which 71.9% of the student body is classified as "at-risk" and 71% are "economically disadvantaged?" Or do you want to spout some shit in the comment section under the cover of anonymity about how I do things around here and how Jexas - whom I trust - and has personal knowledge of a very specific situation which just so happens to apply to this very baseball situation, affects her on an emotional level? Pull up, then. I bet you want to talk about "the latter." Please do, anonymous horse's ass, let me know what is an acceptable issue for me, for Jexas, for any of us who write in this spot, is appropriate to discuss.

You do not have a platform to speak on this. This article doesn't make the cut. If you think it does,try submitting anywhere else and see if anyone is willing to publish it. 

Jexas absolutely has a platform to speak on "this," and that platform is Astros County dot com. Do not say it out loud. You're no longer allowed to have my website's name in your mouth. If by "this,"  and I'm assuming you mean "domestic violence," in the very heart of her post she already established her "domestic violence chops." This article makes the cut. She doesn't have to try and see if anyone is willing to publish it. I am.

Go stros, welcome to Houston Osuna. I will judge you for your performance on the field. Lets win a few world series!

I hope the hair on your balls falls out.