Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Nothing Coleden Can Stay

It's the end of an era in Houston. For 76 glorious minutes, the Astros starting rotation was hilariously unstoppable. The offense looked better just by being written next to a list of aces. The sun shone a little brighter.

Let's look back and pay our respects to Former Astros Great Gerrit Cole, who helped the Astros win the Unoffical Offseason 2018 World Series.

At 11:48 am, hundreds of Houston-area computers googled the word "imminent" to double check and make sure that word meant what they thought it meant. Sure enough, imminent means it's about to happen. Cole may as well have been on the way to Houston.

Immediately blogs and tweets were fired up simply adding Cole's name to the Astros projected 2018 starting rotation. It was a thing of beauty. Verlander. Keuchel. Cole. McCullers. Morton. McHugh. Staff Ace Brad Peacock. They were invincible. There was no point in even playing out the 2018 season. The Astros might not lose a game until July.

Lance McCullers tweeted out a celebratory gif. Haters proceeded to hate. McCullers proceeded to hate on the haters hate.

Then, a cloud appeared on the horizon.

Luhnow dropped a bombshell, admitted in broad daylight that he had talked to several teams about possible trades. Was this some sort of game to him? Was he aware that I had basically abandoned any semblance of pretending to work in lieu of refreshing MLB Trade Rumors?

No matter. GMs have to be cryptic until the ink is dry. It's not like this was a false rumor or anything.


Oh.

Well, then.

Looks like the Astros will have to slum it through the 2018 season with just Verlander, Keuchel, Cole, McCullers, Morton, McHugh, Staff Ace Brad Peacock, Musgrove, Martes, Whitely, actually wait this isn't that bad.

Or Luhnow could continue to gallivant around "talking" to "several teams" about "possible trades." By the time you read this he could have signed Yu Darvish and traded for six different aces. The offseason is a rollercoaster. The Stove is an illusion.

3 comments:

ntxlfty said...

I TOTALLY fell for it. Now I don't believe anything.

Anonymous said...

That headline is great

Anonymous said...

The last rotation list still has Cole in it! Woo hoo!!