Monday, October 27, 2014

How Did Brandon Duckworth Get Drafted In This League?

That might be a question you find yourself asking, during Tales from the Goatpen. Here is the answer, straight from the often deranged Google chat of Keith, Aaron's weird brother and (Not Hank) Aaron (edited for atrocious typos).

Keith Ashcraft
Hey. I'm busy. Could you look up Brandon Duckworth's best year
Aaron Ashcraft
With the Astros? That's an oxymoron
Keith Ashcraft
Just do it!
Aaron Ashcraft
Okay. His era in 2004 was 6+
In 2005 11+
Keith Ashcraft
What about fip
Aaron Ashcraft
Fip in 04 was 6+
7+ in 05
Keith Ashcraft
Wow . I'm having second thoughts
Aaron Ashcraft
His xfip was better in 05
Hair under 5
Keith Ashcraft
What is k/bb in each
And hr/9
Aaron Ashcraft
5.5/2.9 vs 5.5/3.6
Hr per 9 over two both years
Keith Ashcraft
Wow. Wow
Aaron Ashcraft
I'd go bedard if I was going with a signing we were oddly excited about
Keith Ashcraft
Ok. I'm taking 2004
IP?
Aaron Ashcraft
39 and 19
Keith Ashcraft
Haha

Aaron Ashcraft
This would be really odd
Keith Ashcraft
Boy oh boy is this worth it
Aaron Ashcraft
You realize he is likely to actually pitch
Duckworth it
That was a missed opportunity, Keith
Keith Ashcraft
Shoot
Aaron Ashcraft
I tried to swype duckworth and it came back Stuff Keith
I think that's a sign
Keith Ashcraft
I'm doing it.
Thank you swype
Aaron Ashcraft
Could be a different sign
Keith Ashcraft
Inconceivable

Aaron Ashcraft
Sentence could end Stuff Keith thinks is funny but will destroy his team
I don't know
I didn't keep swiping
His FIP as a reliever that year was 4.71
so you've got that going for you
Keith Ashcraft
Yes
Aaron Ashcraft
Dennis Safarte is available
you know
fan favorite Dennis Safarte?
Keith Ashcraft
Never heard of him. You know who I have heard of. Brandon duckfoot
Is kirk sarrloos available
Aaron Ashcraft
yes
Keith Ashcraft
Hmm. That might be my saving grace

Aaron Ashcraft
and his 2003 season is actually pretty good
Keith Ashcraft
Yeah.
But I want Brandon duckfoot so bad
Aaron Ashcraft
He would be by far the worst player drafted
but, he would probably wouldn't pitch very much
Keith Ashcraft
No. I think what maybe 30 innings 
Aaron Ashcraft
With these rotations, maybe not even that much
Keith Ashcraft
Yeah. And only in blowouts probably
Oh I just don't know
Aaron Ashcraft
still, he is 2/5 as likely to give up a homerun as strike someone out
Keith Ashcraft
Haha

Aaron Ashcraft
I mean, Bedard, you're salvation, is staring you right in the face
yes, I meant you are salvation
I was talking to Bedard then

Keith Ashcraft
That's very true and very grammatically correct

Aaron Ashcraft
it was among my best ever sentences. Grammatically, contextually and thematically.

Keith Ashcraft
I might draft Kirk sarlacc
Like jokingly draft duckworth then say how ridiculous that would be if I did that then draft sarlacc
Oh no. Yasko drafted. I thought I had like six more hours to make this decision
Tell me it's a terrible idea to draft duckfoot

Aaron Ashcraft
I mean, its a terrible idea
but there is some fun to be had with the last person picked being so terrible
which is why I think you should get 2013 Travis Blackley

Keith Ashcraft
Don't get carried away
Actually. Is blackberry worse than duckfoot. He might not be 

Aaron Ashcraft
Not sure
You're up. I'm excited
Add a fireworks gif
Keith Ashcraft
On my phone
Aaron Ashcraft
Don't make excuses
Keith Ashcraft
Done and done
Aaron Ashcraft
Amazing
Aaron Ashcraft
You have Brandon Duckworth on your team
Keith Ashcraft
And I couldn't be happier


2 comments:

Masked Marvel said...

This story needed telling. Thanks, crazy Ashcrafts.

Pau Woo said...

"add a fireworks gif" - Brilliant.