We normally wouldn't link to Troy E. Renck's article in the Denver Post on Chris Carpenter. But since I hate Chris Carpenter, and have elected Brandon Phillips as my new favorite non-Astro, we need to.
Not sure how I missed it.
But sometime in the last year, there was a baseball-related Maury Povich Show. Remember, it was the one where a DNA test confirmed that Abner Doubleday is the father of Chris Carpenter.
How else to explain Carpenter's vast knowledge of the game. He's not only the smartest player ever, but I am pretty sure you have to know a secret handshake just to say hello to him...
...He knows everything about everything. Dare I say it — he's become the next Curt Schilling....
....Then, Carpenter went nuts at Houston's Carlos Lee this season. Not because Lee hit a home run. That would be logical. No, he got hot with Lee because the Astros' slugger had the audacity to scream in disgust when he popped up. Carpenter was insulted that Lee reacted in anger. He barked at Lee. Lee stared back incredulously. This is quite possibly the lamest incident of the season — telling a hitter how to act when he makes an out. Not when he gets a hit. When he gets an out.
It's a fantastic rundown of what a ******* ********** Carpenter is.