We didn't come out here to play tiddlywinks, son.
This is the AL. This is goon ball. -Paul Clemens
The Astros, they're like Disneyland. If the kids come, it's a great attraction.
Let The Possum Loose - Astros County
So given that there's a better chance at Cecil Cooper becoming the team's ombudsman than the Astros' signing John Lackey, all John Lackey rumors are hereby closed. Unless someone links him to the Astros.