Monday, May 14, 2018

Series Recap: rangers @ Astros 5/11 - 5/13

It seems like freaking forever ago when the Arlingtons coming to town got us all worked up. I feel like we can freely admit now that we were their little brother for a spell. They lived in our heads and it hurt. Fast forward a couple years and this three game weekend series was just another set against a divisional opponent that is already out of the playoff race. LOUD YAWN. Don't get me wrong, it still makes me tingly in my 'no-no spots' to run them into the ground, but only in the same way my heart flutters when I watch Doug and remember the weird cartoon crush I had on Patty Mayonnaise. We had a good run, but I've moved on. So with that said, here is what the hell happened over the weekend...

Game 1: rangers 1 Astros 0

The fact that the good guys only allowed three runs ALL WEEKEND is pretty spectacular. The fact that they only scored runs in two of the three games is doo doo stink butt. Verlander has been on the hard end of two losses to the Rangers already this year. That Colon game was stupid as hell and having Whole Camels come in and shut us out was almost as bad. JV will never come out and say it, but you wonder if this sort of crap is getting on his nerves. Its getting on my nerves and I'm not even a millionaire married to a model. I mean ONE freaking hit?? Gross. Not a whole lot else to talk about in this one. I thought I saw a co-worker in the crowd at one point, but the girl he was hangin on definitely wasn't his wife, Lisa. I'm not gonna name the guy because respects, but that definitely wasn't Lisa Fontenot with him.

Game 2: Astros 6 rangers 1

Evan Gattis and I are basically the same person. The only real differences are our jobs, our athletic ability, and how much money we have. And we have different faces. Oh and he doesn't drink. Other than that it's like looking in a mirror. EG had himself a series, this weekend, going 4 for 9 with 2HR, 4 RBI, 1 BB, and a freaking stolen base! The ball he hit over the Crawford Boxes on Saturday looks like it might have opened the flood gates. If he can stay hot, and with Marwin coming back around (even though he takes the first pitch EVERY SINGLE STUPID AT BAT SO THEY'RE THROWING HIM A 3-0 FASTBALL AND HE'S JUST LETTING THEM DO IT WHY WHY WHY MARWIN WHY), the bottom of the lineup might just start becoming a problem for the opposition. The big story from Saturday, though, was Charlie Effing Morton. Dude looks like he should be the ring leader of a train heist in 1878, but instead he's spinning gems on the damn reg. Fourteen strikeouts is insane. And yet, with Cole and JV doing their things, Morton is barely the third best starter. The closest thing I can remember is the 2005 run Clemens, Pettite, and Oswalt went on, but even they weren't as dominant, and definitely weren't racking up double digit K games like these dudes. 

Game 3: Astros 6 rangers 1

Dominant starting pitching, homers from Gattis and Correa, a 6 to 1 final score, and I was at both games getting stinky drunk. My boss (the one that uses the word 'irregardless') had some pretty sweet seats so we went and, much like Traci and I tend to do on other Sundays, we got rid of our hangovers via champagne and beer. Hangovers are like ex-girlfriends, kids. Quickest way to get over the last one is to get started on the next one. People forget that. Keuchel looks like he's shaken off his early season suck, and is back to being his sassy self. With only four of his 21 outs in the air, and 8 strikeouts, his last couple starts have SOME PEOPLE wishing they hadn't spent all winter tweeting about trading DK60. The big takeaway I had from this game was $26 is way too much for a double scotch and water. Also, the offense is fine and pink hats are neat.

Overall, the team is in good shape. They haven't hit their offensive stride yet, and they're still on top of the division. Hopefully they go take two or three from LAA because after that its a month of puckered buttholes. Fourteen of the next 16 are against CLE, NYY, and BOS, aka the 2017 AL playoff field. Of course after they run said gauntlet, they might not lose another game until August... but one thing at a time, guys.