Friday, May 9, 2014

NFL.com Draft Profile: Brady Aiken

We are offering you a parallel universe in which an NFL.com scout gives a profile of possible 1-1 picks in next month's June Draft.

BRADY AIKEN
6'4" 200lbs
School: Cathedral Catholic High School

Does not have a child. Maybe not Catholic. Has lots of pitchability which is important for a pitchabler, or someone expected to play the Pitcher Position in the National Major League Baseball League. 17 years old, too young to vote, but still played for the Under 18 USA National Team. Why can't he vote yet? Maybe not a Patriot? Betting on himself by committing to UCLA. If he was a true San Diegan he would stay in San Diega. Strikes out a lot of batters, selfishly putting spotlight on himself. Have not seen evidence of any motor. Or wires. Has hit 99 on radar gun. Does he have what it takes to hit 100? Mature for his age. Once laid his coat across a puddle so a lil' ol' lady wouldn't get the wheels of her Gator wet. Perfect Game locked his GPA - what is he hiding? Balls as in pitches have good shape, very circular. Break. Not Clayton Kershaw. Southpaw. PAW PAW PAW PAW get 'em.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd imagine it's because I'm not a football person but these make no sense to me at all. I can't imagine NFL scouts would tend toward being as moronic as you portray.

Astros County said...

Anonymous,

For your reading pleasure:

http://deadspin.com/how-nolan-nawrocki-made-himself-into-the-nfls-most-infa-1563426791
http://thebiglead.com/2014/02/17/nolan-nawrocki-is-trolling-about-manziel-and-clowney-which-means-nfl-draft-silly-season-has-begun/
http://www.sbnation.com/2014/2/17/5420108/2014-nfl-draft-nolan-nawrocki-johnny-manziel-scouting-report
http://www.sbnation.com/nfl-mock-draft/2013/4/1/4171580/nfl-draft-2013-geno-smith-nolan-nawrocki
http://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2014/5/1/5672210/nfl-com-scouting-reports-nolan-nawrocki-colt-lyerla