Monday, March 24, 2014

Heyman tries to explain the Astros to a space ghost

I've read it twice now, and the only conclusion I can come to is that Jon Heyman's bi-annual mention of the Astros is like he's trying to explain the Astros to a space ghost.

There's no other way to explain that Heyman actually unironically uses the term "disAstros" not once, but twice. Or that he uses this little nugget:

The Astros emphasize taking pitches like no others (though they deny there was ever a suggestion at any level to take 3-and-2 pitches).

They deny it because Ken Rosenthal and Danny Knobler tried to out-dumb each other and ran a column based on "evidence" from "scouting circles.")

You can imagine Jon Heyman scribbling away with wonder when one player told him "The Astros have guys with computers running around!" a note to which Heyman actually concluded "And they never stop computing."

What Jon Heyman thinks the Astros do

Jon Heyman must have been slack-jawed as he wrote, "They attempt to lock up non-stars years before arbitration, and in one case, offered a minor-leaguer a $23-million, seven-year deal that included team options, a proposal he rejected last September." As though no one like the Rays had ever done that or even considered it before.

Heyman calls the Astros a "grand experiment" (much like FDR's New Deal, I guess) and says that "perhaps half" of baseball is rooting against it (with another "disAstros" drop) with the other half hoping it's a success.

We will give Heyman credit for at least thumbing through Baseball Prospectus and name-dropping Reymin Guduan and Jandel Gustave. But Heyman actually found a living breathing baseball person who is presumably not, though unconfirmed, Harold Reynolds who said that Carlos Correa is "ready" and "should be up by now," as though Correa has spent any time beyond Low-A.

We will not give Heyman credit for saying that 6'3" 215lb Jason Castro is an "undersized catcher." It is, however, encouraging that a "competing GM" said that he "doesn't get" trying to extend Matt Dominguez and Robbie Grossman. Hopefully said "competing GM" is within the division, and doesn't get the idea of giving valuable players long-term/low-cost deals.

Hopefully the space ghost to whom Heyman was writing has a firmer grasp on the Astros' current situation.


Keith A. said...

Heyman is just the absolute best. Love the guy. My favorite line was the bash against internet bloggers with just enough plausible deniability of it being a bash against internet bloggers.

"They hired two guys who were bloggers, albeit very smart bloggers, in key front-office roles."

He's a pro.

Unknown said...

I actually found some value in the piece. Apparently Andrew Thurman is throwing 97 now. Did not know that. Also wondering if it is true since Heyman reported it.

Anonymous said...

Please, never again, compare the Astros to FDR's New Deal.

Anonymous said...

Thurman throwing 97 would be a shock. If he is, though, goodness me!