Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Rejected Astrowich Suggestions

Note: This originally ran on June 14. We tweeted the link to it last night as part of a project to be unveiled later this week. You responded on Twitter with some really funny additions, and this post has been updated to reflect our favorites...

Houston-area Which are offering the Astro-Wich sandwich through August 31.  

It’s piled with meat, cheese, bacon and other classic burger toppings

The following is a list of Astro-Wich sandwiches that did not make the cut (so to speak):

The Wade: A $12 sandwich, traded for three $5 Philly cheese steaks.

The Purpura: A meatball sub that costs $100 million.

The Selig: It's your favorite sandwich, but the store manager knocks it out of your hand and gives another customer your money.

The Biggio: A gritty, iconic sandwich that is thrown at your elbow.

The Caminiti: Just 100 pounds of ground beef on a metal plate.

The Lugo: A sandwich so good you'll slap your wife.

The Wallace: The best-looking sandwich you've seen in years, but you only get a "whiff" of it.

The Hurricane Ike: A tasty sandwich delivered to your home, 800 miles away.

The Randy Johnson: A foot-long sandwich that is way too expensive, but you can't resist, and damn if it isn't good while it lasts.

The Drayton: The same sandwich you've ordered for 15 years, but when you finish you can't remember why you liked it so much. 



Anonymous said...

Excellent job! These are great!

Keith Ashcraft said...

The Bagwell- There's no way its only non-steroid fed beef. Look at how big that sandwich is.

Anonymous said...

I'll have an Ike, please, hold the mayo.

Well done AC.

ntxlfty said...

You didn't finish describing the Selig. It's your favorite sandwich, one that you've enjoyed with your father and brother for 50 years. It's something of a tradition. The store manager, without your input, and heedless to your protests, replaces the Virginia smoked ham with spam, the Wisconsin Cheddar with Velveeta "cheese food," and the pumpernickel with Wonder bread.
It's no where near as good, but it costs more. Behind the counter stands Larry Dierker, telling you to "get over it."

ntxlfty said...

I forgot to mention one more thing. Not only does it cost more, even though it's not as good, and even though you've paid for it, half the time you can't eat it where you actually live. You have to drive 300 miles first. So, of course, you don't eat it as often as you used to.

There's also the Nolan: It's the same sandwich, but the waitress crushes your soul with a heartless betrayal.

ntxlfty said...

And let's not forget the Allyson (One) Footer: It's the same sandwich, but on a foot-long bun. But this time, the waitress leaves town first, so she won't have to be the one to bring it to you. Trust me, you won't like her replacement.

And finally, the Jimmy Dee: You really like it, but you have go somewhere else to get it.

Anonymous said...

If it is only available in Houston, it should be the CSNwich

Tyler Stafford said...

The Beltran : It's cheaper and exactly the same in Houston, but you'd rather have it in New York.

Anonymous said...

Dat Chacon: So good it'll make you want to choke a bitch.

Anonymous said...

The Jimmy Paredes Sub: So bad you'll run over someone to miss it.

cptnbreakdance1 said...

The J.R. Towels: A lighter option that won't hit quite as hard.

Anonymous said...

Moises Alou: ...dont eat it