Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Cost of Discipleship: Brad Mills

So what are we in for having hired a "disciple of Terry Francona?" The Red Sox blog Over the Monster has some bullet points:

-First and foremost, you defend your players no matter what. No. Matter. What. They can do whatever the hell they want, say whatever their brains spew out first, and your TF baseball coach will be backing said player up like they're blood brothers.

-Secondly, you need a lot of chew. A looooot of chew. And you need to say you're going to quit every season, even though that's really unlikely. In the case there is a quitting scenario, have a lot of bubble gum handy. A looooot of bubble gum.

-Thirdly, you must charm the hell out of the media. Even if you're defending the player who recently got caught beating up women on a 'roid rage, you have to make a joke. Show me a member of the media who hates Terry Francona, and I will show you an atheist.

-Finally, to finish the ensemble, killer glasses. Glasses that are so killer that most people are convinced that you don't even need the glasses for purposes other than pure aesthetics. And you can't tell me that Millsy doesn't fit this mold.