Monday, April 6, 2009

Opening Day, where hope springs eternal - except at the Houston Press

Everyone's in first place on Opening Day, except at the Houston Press, where it's already October and the Astros have farted their way to a 41-121 season.

Maybe it's not that bad, but John Royal has these nuggets to kill your Opening Day buzz:

-I'm psyched because I love baseball, not because I think the Astros are any good. And after I take a look at the team, I don't think you'll be psyched about this team, either.

-I too think they will finish in second place, that is, if you count second place as being second from the bottom.

-This Astros team isn't very good. It's even worse than last year's team.

-And I look at Jose Valverde and I just see another Brad Lidge break down just waiting to happen.

-The infield is worse than last season's thanks to management letting Mark Loretta depart.

-Miguel Tejada has spent his time in Houston being outed as a liar on a variety of issues, which wouldn't be so bad, expect that he stinks.

-The outfield contains the sloth that is Carlos Lee in left field - the guy generally takes about 20 minutes to get to any ball hit down the left field line, and I think the only time he runs for anything is to beat Berkman to the post-game buffet.

-then there's career non-entity Jason Michaels who gets a roster spot because Ed Wade likes him.

-So, like last season, the Astros will win because they get lucky, not due to any special managing decisions.

-Now it's time for me to go on the record. The Astros finish in fifth place with a record of 72-90. Just be thankful the Pittsburgh Pirates are around to keep the Astros from finishing last.

The Houston Press: Making Brian McTaggart look like Billy Mays!