Monday, March 23, 2009

Coop: Crazy Genius or Gullable Buffoon?

There's a good chance that Coop is delusional.

“We should win 90 games,” Cooper said nonchalantly Monday morning at Osceola County Stadium.

90 games? JJO says this:
In 1984, the Tigers were 11-17 in spring training. The Yankees were 14-19 in the spring of 1999, then 13-20 the next spring and 9-20 in the spring of 2001. Since the Tigers used their poor Grapefruit League as a springboard to the 1984 World Series title, only three of the World Series champions have had the best spring records in baseball. Heck, 10 champions and 20 of the participants in the World Series have gone under .500 in the last 24 years.

I don't think that anyone uses a terrible Spring as a "springboard." I think that the '84 Tigers, the '99 and '01 Yankees were exceptions to almost 90 years of Spring Training history. You don't win Spring Training games to make division races closer. You don't lose Spring Training games to win them in September. This should be clearer to our Fearless Leader 1B1, Lance Berkman:
“Listen,” he told McLane, “do you want me to drive in a run in the bottom of the eighth in April or do you want me to drive that run in right now in March? April, right?”

My dad's aunt once who thought you were only allotted a certain number of heartbeats. If you exercised, by speeding up your heart rate, you actually shortened the duration of your life span. She also licked my eyeballs when I slept. I feel Lance, like my dad's aunt, maybe believes he has only been allotted a certain number of RBIs, and this guano crazy idea of "Suck More in March" is exactly what gets numerous Major-League caliber players sent to a special place called "The Minors." It's behind Wal-Mart.

Then Lance goes on to explain that Geoff Blum and Chris Johnson are better than Ty Wigginton. Pudge is better than Ausmus. The Bullpen is great. These are reasons that make sense. If everyone stays healthy, then it's possible. That's a big "If," and Lance and Coop need to realize this. And if the Astros win 90+ games, I'll let Coop lick my eyeballs.


cardsjason said...

Why would your great aunt lick your eyeballs when you slept?

The Constable. said...

Dude. I've been asking myself that question for almost 30 years.