The One Where Ken Hoffman Spouts Nonsense

The Chronicle's Ken Hoffman has a silly notes column on a wide range of topics - from losing his driver's license to a joke about CNN - he touches briefly on the plight of the Astros and Bo Porter. Let's look...

In their first season under manager Bo Porter, the Astros lost 111 games last year, worst in the majors.

True.

This year, with a bigger payroll...

Relative. It's like going from $2.13/hour + tips to minimum wage.

...and bright young stars on the roster...

Which roster? Lancaster's? The 40-Man? Hoffman understands how this works, right?

...the Astros are 5-14 (not including Monday's late game), on pace to lose 119 games.

"On Pace To" watch! Not including the win over King Felix and Seattle (which ended around midnight Central), after 12.3% of the season, the Astros are ONPACETO lose more games. Summary judgments after 1/8 of a season. Got it. 

That's 1962 Mets territory.

B-R FTW.

Last weekend, Porter blew his lid because an Oakland batter attempted a bunt while leading 7-0 in the first inning. Porter thought it was bush league. You want bush league? Complaining about a bunt in the first inning is bush league.

Subjective. Writing about unwritten rules is the new market inefficiency.

Last year, Porter had to apologize after making an illegal pitching change. He didn't know a basic baseball rule. Porter is in over his head. Start warming up manager-in-waiting Craig Biggio.

Okay. Now this is ridiculous. So here is the whole of the argument for Craig Biggio replacing Bo Porter: (a) Porter got mad at a player for bunting when the opposing team was up 7-0; (b) one time, last year, Porter screwed up a pitching change; (c) in 2013 Porter didn't do enough with a team that had an active payroll under $20m in 2013; (d) 1/8 of the way through the season - Porter is mismanaging a team whose payroll that is slightly less than the fraudulent Marlins, $30m less than the 28th-highest payroll, and roughly one-fifth of the highest payroll in baseball, that can't hit (before last night) and routinely TOOTBLANs themselves out of innings. That's why Porter should go? You just don't go from being groomed to take over the Nationals to being a blithering idiot in 18 months...not with the rosters he's been dealt in that time. Maybe we hold off on anointing Biggio until those "bright young stars" are actually on the roster and Porter actually has a fair shot to figure out if he's in over his head.

Astros Season-Ticket Holders get first crack at McCartney tickets

So Paul McCartney is coming to Minute Maid Park on November 14. Astros Season-Ticket Holders get first crack at tickets with a pre-sale from noon Tuesday until 2am Thursday.

But you Season Ticket Holders already know that.

What may be the quote of the year is in the linked article, and comes from Ken Hoffman:
"When McCartney appears at Minute Maid Park, he'll have more career hits than anybody on the Astros."

Hoffman on Hennis

Ken Hoffman has an excellent story on the Chron about former short-time Astro, Randy Hennis.

Hennis' final line with the Astros: 3 appearances, 9.2IP, 1H/0ER, 4K:3BB, 0.00 ERA/0.41 WHIP. There is a little side note in Hoffman's piece...

Hennis:
“The next game was in Atlanta, and I pitched two innings in relief and gave up no hits. The game was on TBS, so all my friends and family could watch. I don’t remember who I faced. I was out late the night before.”

Let's help him out, shall we? On September 23, 1990, Hennis came in for the 7th and 8th innings against the Braves, down 3-0. He:

Struck out Kelly Mann, got Paul Marak to groundout, walked Lonnie Smith and Jeff Treadway, and got Ron Gant to fly out to center. In the 8th, he got David Justice to flyout down the left field line, Tommy Gregg to pop up to third, and Jeff Blauser to strikeout swinging.