Wednesday, February 6, 2013

The Parable of the Bar Chicks

Let's say you're a guy who's decided you're ready for a new relationship. You've dated girls in the past, and even managed to propose to one, but she turned you down before you barely had a chance to show her the ring. You had a couple rebound relationships where you tried to find the same magic, but it just wasn't the same. Now it's been a few years since you've even dated, and you're ready to get back out there again, so you head to the corner bar to try and find a girl.

You get there and two girls grab your attention.

One is the focus of everyone's attention. She's got her hair all done up, she's wearing her best mini-dress, she's doing shots with anyone she can find, and she's out on the dance floor reminding you how long it's been since you've seen a woman move like that. If you manage to impress her more than the other guys in this place, you can take her home tonight! But when you get her home, you'll notice that her hair is fried from years of over coloring and processing. That mini-dress is covering up her two push-up bras and her multi-layered Spanx. She does shots because it's the only way she can keep functioning. And the reason she danced so well was because she dances with any guy that impresses her enough. But, by golly, she sure does get you excited because, again, it's been so long since you've been in a relationship and she could be a lot of fun. Let's say she's a 7 for you, but that's as good as she'll ever be and in a couple years you'll be tired of putting up with her crap.

The other girl is sitting quietly at the bar. She's apparently the designated driver for her friends and looks like a librarian, with her hair up, glasses, and a cute little Hello Kitty handbag that her niece got her one Christmas. She's not looking for a guy to impress her enough to take her home. No, it's going to take a while to get to know her before she really opens up to you. But she's a true natural beauty, and when you talk to her you find out that she's a former college gymnast, is trained in Swedish massage, and has read all the classics. Looking at her tonight, you'll give her a 5, but if you're patient enough to let her open up to you she could be an 8 or 9.

Now, you might think, why not go ahead and take the 7 home, but get the 5's number and give her a call later? Now, some guys are able to get away with that, but it's rare and usually ends very badly. The 5 doesn't handle neglect very well and if you don't handle her right she'll never be that 8 or 9 she could be. And the 7 doesn't like having to look over her shoulder to see if someone's trying to take her place.

At the end of all this, you're looking for someone for the long haul. Which one is most likely to get you the ring?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Drayton drafts the 5 first because she will say yes to any offer.

Anonymous said...

Well, the opening dialogue clearly stated that you have your own emotional demons to battle. It is not surprising that she shut you down before seeing the ring. I'm betting you found her at the local bar as well?

Consdering you continue to shop at the dollar store, chances are the best you'll get is a two dollar whore for the evening.



Happy hunting.





Anonymous said...

"... she's a former college gymnast, is trained in Swedish massage ..."

Winner.